I just talked to you.
You were my go-to person to share my day with, share my worries with, and share life’s experiences with.
You were gone, and there was nothing I could do.
In this lifetime, we will all lose a loved one at some point. This is a sad truth. Indeed, we have multiple people walk out of our lives, but when someone’s life ends–it hurts just a little bit more because we know for a fact that they will not return–no matter how much we grovel and beg and wish.
Moving on. Coping. Letting go.
It’s easier said than done. And I will be perfectly honest. My loss was recent, and I have yet to move on. But here’s what I’m doing to cope.
I’m allowing myself to be truthful with myself, and to take the time to be sad. I don’t expect to bounce back tomorrow and be happy. I’m not.
I’m allowing myself to slowly accept the truth that my loved one will not be walking through the door any time soon. I accept that I will never hear their voice again, will never be able to laugh with them, will never be able to sit down at the kitchen table and share a meal.
I am also allowing myself to be productive in whatever form I can be. Focus on school, focus on the people who are still here, focus on the opportunities that await me.
I can choose to wallow, which is perfectly fine, but I must also realize that I have to keep going. When we lose people, the rest of the world does not stop for us. It continues, even if we ourselves feel like we are stuck.
All I can do is keep my loved one’s memory in my heart, and know that a part of them will always be with me, no matter where I end up in life, simply because I had the honor of experiencing life with them when they were still around.